I write what comes to me and tonight I am blessed

The words are flowing through my fingers, the feelings welling in my chest

Sometimes it's so much all at once, sometimes it's nothing and it comes for months

Maybe my mind finally takes a break and just lets loose what's bottled up

It never makes sense to me, I never know from where it comes

But when it does I set it free
It is after all, all I have that's truly me

April 21st



I find myself resenting the machines beeping and pumping cause they have more life in them right now than you

Stupid pieces of machinery will be beeping and screaming at someone long after you're gone, their loyalty not true

I find myself hating everything around me, the room, the cords and lights

I hate the window that shows me the sky, a thing you've never seen

I hate the tv with its many stations all saying stupid things
reminding me that life goes on in despite all my pain

I hate the phones ringing and
the sound of shoes on the floor
coming to bring bad news never less always more

I hate this place I hate it all

I hate the way people look at me with their sad and concerned faces

I hate that I can't save you

I hate that your in pain

I hate that I can't pretend this isn't real
and that this day really is today

I hate the rainy weather and I also hate the sun

I hate the wind that blows and the warmth that's just begun

I hate so many things right now but most of all is spring, it will never again be good for me, no joy it will bring

Birds chirping, colors changing, new flowers all in bloom, all screaming to the world their lucky lives are all anew

This is when you left me
And oh God I wish I knew why

This is when you left me and now all I can do is cry

This is when you left me I wish I couldn't say

This is when you left me and I died with you this day

She took the cigar from his hand, looks down at him beneath her, took a nice long toke and let the smoke roll subtly out between her lips with a wicked smile

And he knows in that moment he has sold his soul to her and he would choose to do so over and over again for the rest of his days.

He's addicted to her and with no chance of healing.

Heaven, hell, death and life are nothing but words now, if there were such a time that he could greet his immortality a happy man, this was that moment...

I can't help myself

Seems like the more I try to force myself to feel happiness the more it feels un natural

The most comfortable thing I know is this

You

My absolutely awful, happy place

The one emotion that truly fills the emptiness

The darkest part of loneliness, pain, sadness and tears

I keep hoping I can divorce myself from you, but truth is, I'd be lost without you

I am most at home in this dark place

You sneak up on me without warning and like a sentimental fool I relent and give in to you

Our secret rendezvous are always hard, but I always walk away feeling ripped open, completely exposed yet horribly fulfilled

My moments of happiness are always accompanied with anticipation of your return

My release is to let you win, to greet with a warm embrace the darkness within me, to sit and weep with you old friend

Love

You ever have a moment, where whatever your thing is... It hits you and you just can't stop, like its begging to get out through your fingertips and you can't write it or say it fast enough cause you just keep having all those thoughts and ideas it's like a traffic jam in your head? I just had one of those moments and this is what happened...

Love is wanting the other persons happiness, even if it doesn't reflect your own

Unselfish, unconditional Pain, laughter, lust, faith, trust, anger, patience, perseverance, tears, passion, happiness

It's understanding even when no one else does

It's putting the other first It's never holding back

It's my partner, my best friend, my absolute everything

He loves me absolutely perfectly and beyond all reason

Doing the really hard things, when you'd rather take the easy road

Knowing when to give space and when to stay

Love goes beyond vows and death, love can't be undone through death, you wait for me and I'll wait for you

It's a wink and a smile because of an inside joke

It's a favorite song shared

It's having the same thought, finishing each other's sentences

Most importantly, it's never taking anger too far, it's never letting the hard things tear you apart

It's happiness that can't be explained

It's long summer days and chances taken

It's tears in springtime

It's keeping each other warm in the winter and starting over in the fall

Love is unsteady and unpredictable Unbreakable, even when tested

It's changing but evolving together

It's standing side by side, never a step behind

It's not needing anyone to understand what you have but the two of you

It's the first person you want to tell things to and the last person you think of before sleep

It's not easy, it's scary as hell It pushes you, every second, it beats you down, it doesn't let up...ever

It fights and viciously attacks It gives in and changes, it never stays the same It's the ride of your life

It's not gentle, it's rough around the edges and unapologetic

If it's never made you deliriously happy and in the same breath, broken your heart, you have never experienced it

It's tearing up at baseball games and loving someone so much that it hurts

It's wild and uncontrollable

It's laughing the hardest you ever have in your life at a 2 year old

It's secretly loving late night, sick snuggles

It's feeling your heart being ripped from your chest, it's crying to yourself, even when tears won't come, it's offering your life for someone else, it's begging with God to just let them live, it's finally letting go and feeling death within yourself

It's everything, all the time Don't miss it, it's the closest thing to magic you will ever experience

Take the chance on it, every damn time.