I write what comes to me and tonight I am blessed

The words are flowing through my fingers, the feelings welling in my chest

Sometimes it's so much all at once, sometimes it's nothing and it comes for months

Maybe my mind finally takes a break and just lets loose what's bottled up

It never makes sense to me, I never know from where it comes

But when it does I set it free
It is after all, all I have that's truly me

April 21st



I find myself resenting the machines beeping and pumping cause they have more life in them right now than you

Stupid pieces of machinery will be beeping and screaming at someone long after you're gone, their loyalty not true

I find myself hating everything around me, the room, the cords and lights

I hate the window that shows me the sky, a thing you've never seen

I hate the tv with its many stations all saying stupid things
reminding me that life goes on in despite all my pain

I hate the phones ringing and
the sound of shoes on the floor
coming to bring bad news never less always more

I hate this place I hate it all

I hate the way people look at me with their sad and concerned faces

I hate that I can't save you

I hate that your in pain

I hate that I can't pretend this isn't real
and that this day really is today

I hate the rainy weather and I also hate the sun

I hate the wind that blows and the warmth that's just begun

I hate so many things right now but most of all is spring, it will never again be good for me, no joy it will bring

Birds chirping, colors changing, new flowers all in bloom, all screaming to the world their lucky lives are all anew

This is when you left me
And oh God I wish I knew why

This is when you left me and now all I can do is cry

This is when you left me I wish I couldn't say

This is when you left me and I died with you this day